Yesterday was beta day. I felt more calm than I ever have in any of my previous cycles during this 2 week wait up until Monday. On Monday, I began feeling a little anxious about the upcoming news. Beta day is truly a day in which you wish you could remove yourself from the rest of the world until you get your news. I tried to start my day off in a positive way by getting myself Starbucks on the way to work. When the end of my school day came and I still had not heard from the nurse, I knew that it was probably bad news. I was right. Another negative pregnancy test. :(
I was so angry this time. I feel like Greg and I have been through so much already and I can't help but wonder when it will finally be our turn. I immediately called Greg and my mom to share the devastating news. Then I had to continue my day by coaching my volleyball team. They brought a smile to my face at the end of a bad day by winning!! After my game I stopped by my friend's house to vent and get some support. I was also able to talk to my amazing and incredibly supportive doctor, Angie Beltsos, and my wonderful nurse, Charlene. Finally I got home to my husband who is a true blessing in my life so that we could grieve together. I truly can't imagine what I would do without him. He has been such a support through all of this, but I am definitely ready to put this part of our life behind us. Love you so much, Greg!!
We will meet with Dr. Beltsos on Friday to discuss the next steps. While yesterday's news was devastating, we are not ready to give up. We will be trying again when the time is right and are thankful to have a wonderful gestational carrier that is willing to try again with us.
Thank you to all of the friends and family who have offered so much love and support to us throughout our fertility journey. We would not be able to stay so strong without you. The road may be long and has not yet come to an end, but we know that we will one day have our baby and all of this will be a distant memory.
Hugs to all,