Friday, September 9, 2011

Post IVF Consult

I always remember the reason I love Dr. Beltsos so much when I see her for our consults. This afternoon we had our post IVF consult and even though we did not receive the news that we were hoping for earlier this week, Dr. Beltsos seemed to find a way to make us feel hopeful again. She took us back through all of our previous cycles, analyzing the results of each one and decided that we would try a new protocol with the next cycle. Instead of being on birth control leading up to the start of stimulation medications, I would be doing something called estrogen priming the month before. In all of my previous cycles, I had used what is called the antagonist protocol for stimulating the ovaries. This time I would be using the Micro-dose Lupron Flare Protocol. Finally Dr. Beltsos reminded us that even though we have had a lot of disappointments, this was only our first "no" with our surrogate. She remains confident that this will work for us. Her confidence is truly contagious. Greg and I left feeling that even though this first try didn't work, we were getting closer to becoming parents.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Another no

Yesterday was beta day. I felt more calm than I ever have in any of my previous cycles during this 2 week wait up until Monday. On Monday, I began feeling a little anxious about the upcoming news. Beta day is truly a day in which you wish you could remove yourself from the rest of the world until you get your news. I tried to start my day off in a positive way by getting myself Starbucks on the way to work. When the end of my school day came and I still had not heard from the nurse, I knew that it was probably bad news. I was right. Another negative pregnancy test. :(

I was so angry this time. I feel like Greg and I have been through so much already and I can't help but wonder when it will finally be our turn. I immediately called Greg and my mom to share the devastating news. Then I had to continue my day by coaching my volleyball team. They brought a smile to my face at the end of a bad day by winning!! After my game I stopped by my friend's house to vent and get some support. I was also able to talk to my amazing and incredibly supportive doctor, Angie Beltsos, and my wonderful nurse, Charlene. Finally I got home to my husband who is a true blessing in my life so that we could grieve together. I truly can't imagine what I would do without him. He has been such a support through all of this, but I am definitely ready to put this part of our life behind us. Love you so much, Greg!!

We will meet with Dr. Beltsos on Friday to discuss the next steps. While yesterday's news was devastating, we are not ready to give up. We will be trying again when the time is right and are thankful to have a wonderful gestational carrier that is willing to try again with us.

Thank you to all of the friends and family who have offered so much love and support to us throughout our fertility journey. We would not be able to stay so strong without you. The road may be long and has not yet come to an end, but we know that we will one day have our baby and all of this will be a distant memory.

Hugs to all,

This picture was taken just before our golf outing when my mom and I had a girl's night with Dr. Beltsos and my nurse, Charlene. Thank you Dr. B. for your continued confidence, positivity and determination. I know that we will get there soon. Love you mom, Dr. B. and Charlene.