So many emotions come into play when one is experiencing infertility. It begins to feel like you are on a roller coaster with the constant ups and downs and many unexpected situations that sometimes throw you for a loop. When Greg and I chose Gestational Surrogacy as our family building option, I felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted. I no longer felt the same pressure to get my body to cooperate and carry our child. Because of this I thought that maybe this was the end of all of the crazy feelings that come along with the territory of Infertility. Through the planning of our July Birdies for Babies Charity Golf Outing, I have come to realize that I have shifted my energy from trying to get myself pregnant to trying to plan the best event possible. While this can be a great distraction at times, the same feelings still creep up on me from time to time. The twinges of jealousy each time I hear an announcement of pregnancy have not gone away. I am always happy to hear the good news of others, but it reminds me how sad I am that my body was not able to cooperate. I still feel like I am stuck in the "waiting game". Even though we are so much closer to having our baby, it is still hard to be patient and trust in God's plan.
This week seemed to be especially hard for me for whatever the reason. I would like to attribute some of it to the gloomy weather at the beginning of the week. One of the things that has helped me to stay positive and strong throughout this entire journey has been seeing my students every day at school. They make me laugh, forget my worries and remind me of my dream to have a child of my own. One student in particular brought "a little bit of sunshine" into my otherwise gray week and since then things have been looking brighter. I would like to share the story of how this student brightened my week.
I was standing with my class in the hall, waiting for them to go to Spanish and a sweet little girl that was at the front of the line looked up at me with big bright eyes and a huge smile and said, "Mrs. O'Brien, my dad is going to golf in the golf tournament." I replied with, "my golf tournament?" and she answered, "yes"with an even bigger smile. I had no idea if what she said was true or not, but to see her that happy to tell me that information reminded me of what an impact I have on the lives of children each day. She made me remember how much the children look up to me as their teacher. I sent the little girl's mom an email that night to let her know how touched I was by her daughter's comment. The response that I received from her mother further solidified all of the support we have around us. She told me that what her daughter had said was true. She and three other Lake Bluff moms were organizing a foursome for their husbands to play in our golf outing and sending them to our event in a limo. She went even further to remind me of what a special gift I have with children that makes me an excellent teacher and will also make me an amazing mother. I was brought to tears while reading her email.
This experience was the beginning of my gloomy week turning around. It seems that the weather has turned around, too, as I type on this sunny afternoon. Last night I found out that a new friend, who happens to be another doctor at FCI, is running a half marathon in June and she wants to raise money for us through her race and dedicate her run to us. I was overwhelmed by her generosity and willingness to reach out to me when I am not even her patient.
I also continue to be amazed by my doctor, Angie Beltsos, with each passing day. She continues to support me with phone calls, emails and meetings offering any help she can to make our outing a success.
It is little moments like these that remind me of how blessed Greg and I are to have such amazing and supportive people in our lives. The ways in which they show their love and support truly bring "a little bit of sunshine" on otherwise cloudy days. Thank you to everyone who has shown and continues to show their support for us during this journey.